This ain't funny no more

I am part of a few groups on social networking sites  –  not as many as several other people I know, just the usual ones – a group of school batch mates, college friends, business schoolmates. The members  are not all people I would call “friends” –  I haven’t met most of them in two decades, and I really don’t know how several of them turned out as “people” – what they believe, what they read, what’s their view of the world. But having sat in the same classroom binds us, as do memories of shared lunchboxes, pranks on the school bus or the juvenile competition for more marks.

As is common in such groups, most posts are about insightful takes on life, as well as jokes, no doubt downloaded from another source and forwarded. In one of my groups, a group of former classmates, that has both, women and male members, the dominant topic of jokes was hen-pecked husbands and dominating wives.  Most jokes were witty and brought a smile to the lips.

Then, one weekend, I read a joke posted in this group that went like this.

Wife is like a TV & Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE .

Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!

But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable.

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen), but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not) .

Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do.

Take Care. Issued in Public Interest!

I protested. The joke appeared blatantly sexist. If this was not “commodification” and “objectification” of women, I don’t know what was. I found it very difficult to ignore this or laugh it off. To post it in a group of former classmates, when nearly half the class was female, seemed to take for granted that the dominant voice and the principal narrative in the group would be male-oriented, and women were the cheerleaders, present in the group only to applaud the witticisms and the implied “exploits” by posting smileys and “ha ha” promptly after every jewel. A man’s voice has been dominant in our society, and women have most often supported these voices, even to their own detriment. Would a thinking woman feel comfortable in a group where men appeared to be laughing “at” them, rather than “with” them?  Am I supposed to decide whether I am a TV or a mobile?  As a wife, am I free for life, to be taken at will?  All the references about “play with your mobile,” “operational cost,” “viruses” – what is one to make of them?

Why has woman-bashing become such an accepted form of humor that we don’t even realize how offensive it is?  Most people will not even relate with the outrage that I feel. They will not understand what there is in this “harmless” joke to get so upset about. They will read this as an over-reaction, a rant of a “feminist” with too much angst on her mind, and too much time on her hands. “Such jokes are common,” “Don’t take it personally,” I have been told. And that’s precisely the problem, I reckon.

When Sriprakash Jaiswal, a cabinet minister, says, “Like an old victory, wives lose charm as time goes by," he is literally dragged over hot coals, cases are filed against him in courts and media makes a big issue of it. But when our own friends in our social network groups post remarks that are several times more offensive, we must laugh them off, to earn our right to be equal members of what is essentially a men’s club? Unless a woman enjoys and laughs at cheap male humor, she is not progressive enough?

The response within the group to my protest has been interesting. A male friend who works in the corporate world, who had a very fair temperament even in our school days, and has no doubt been the peer and mentor of several very capable women in his work and social life, was the first one to step forward very promptly. To his credit, he apologized on behalf of the entire group, to all women on the group for something HE had NOT posted, and requested others to desist from posting such sexist comments. Others have been more circumspect, posting messages extolling the virtues of women, or have gone back to lamenting the plight of hen-pecked husbands. Yet others have been cautiously watchful as the situation unfolds. All very funny. But I am not sure most people have understood the root of my disagreement.

Someone said– there is no definition of pornography. But I know it when I see it. The same goes for humor. There is a fine line, beyond which jokes stop being funny. They start to reinforce stereotypes of women as objects and commodities, "things to be played with." Today, social networks play a very important role in reflecting how the society is thinking. Men have to realize that the onus is on them to create workspaces and fun-spaces where women feel respected and welcome to collaborate and enjoy. Women have to realize that the onus is on them to draw the line, and make clear what is not acceptable. Quiet withdrawal would be a poor option.